Friday :: A Thursday Update
Imaginary Keith’s labor pains were false. But in other exciting news, President Bush gave birth to an excellent sack of coins. The child, upon closer inspection, appeared to be filled with mostly yen and riyals. As of this morning, there has been no official statement issued from the White House.
This morning at roughly 6:30 a.m., Imaginary Keith went into labor. Doctors have predicted the labor will last roughly fourteen hours, and have gone on to say that they expect to deliver a healthy, baby mortgage payment. Imaginary Keith’s breathing is heavy and labored, but the doctor’s seem unconcerned.
“Just look at the weight he’s put on in the last year,” one doctor was overheard saying.
“Don’t you mean nine months?” another asked.
“No, I mean last year. This has nothing to do with the baby. How much do you think a new baby mortgage payment weighs, after all?”
“It might be born all in coins,” Imaginary Keith volunteered. “Isn’t that a possibility?”
“A sack of coins? No one has ever given birth to a sack of coins.”
“But it could happen.”
“Imaginary Keith, if you expect to make it through this day, I suggest a bit of realism on your part.”
“I hate hospitals.”
“That’s the spirit. Now get ready to push.”
“I’m going to be pushing for fourteen hours?”
“You have a problem with that? Now . . . PUSH!”