Fred would be the boy who married the girl with the beautiful teeth, but of course, neither one of us had any way of knowing this at the time.
I don’t know if what I’m about to write down could be called a Christmas story or not, because I’ve never actually heard of a Christmas story about teeth, but I’m going to go ahead and tell it anyway, and for what it’s worth, I’m going to call it a Christmas story because, well, it’s Christmas time, and isn’t any story that happens around Christmas become a Christmas story**, much the same way that a bedtime story becomes a bedtime story simply because it’s read around bedtime?
There are all sorts of Christmas stories out there - just about anything a person could possibly imagine, I’d guess - so if I tell you a story about teeth, I don’t see why we can’t all just accept the fact that what I’m about to tell you is a Christmas story that just happens to revolve around teeth, even though, thinking about it now, as I’m about to write it all down, I’m not sure is quite the truth.
The story happens to be about many things, not just teeth (which would be not only ridiculous but kind of boring), so I suppose you might say that it’s no different than all the other Christmas stories out there. The story of Rudolph, for example, is about more than just a red nose, isn’t it? And without giving anything away or spoiling the fun for any of the younger or more innocent readers out there, I’m sure there’s more to the whole Santa story then meets the eye. Even the story of the baby Jesus is more then a tale of a baby born in a manger. I mean, come on, look at the way that story takes off in every direction at once.
So yes, while the story I’m about to share is about many different things, it somehow also happens to be a story about teeth, Christmas teeth, I guess we’ll call them, although at the time the story was unfolding, none of us would have known that what was happening was a story about Christmas teeth. As a matter of fact, I think it’s safe to say that at the time this story was taking place, none of us even had a clue that it would become a story at all. One day you’re living life, and the next you’re sitting there, talking about it, which to be honest with you, leaves me not quite sure what to believe.
Maybe in the end, that’s all a Christmas story about teeth can really be about. You and I, sitting down together to share a tale as we try to decide what is real and what is not, because when you think about it, isn’t that what Christmas has always been about anyway? Friends and family, mysteriously drawn together to share a bit of time, exchange a few gifts, and huddle around whatever obscure, distended Christmas story they happen to believe in.
This version just happens to be about teeth.
**This story also available in the popular, alternate version, The Hanukkah Teeth
. . . to be continued