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© 2004-2008 Keith Ecklund

December 05, 2004

Except For The Scowl, I Look Kinda Cute When I’m Asleep

I am tired of thinking and tired of the drama.

Who invented relationships? Will someone please tell me so I can have a fictional character kick the fictional crap out of their fictional idea. How can I even explain how tired I am? If I sat in a chair and no one talked to me or called me, how long could I sit in that chair, taking in the silence? Two, three days? A week? A month? How long until I decided to move? How long until I felt the need to leave?

I might write a will and leave all my words to the members of this blog. Wouldn’t that be something. What in the world would you do with them? Divide them up? Argue over who got what. I would add a clause that made it illegal to hire legal representation. If you want my words you will have to fight over them. You will have to end up as tired getting them as I did in writing them. By the time you get them home, you will hate them. You will be so tired from fighting over my words that you will put them in a box and try to forget all about them.

Before one of my grandmothers had died, she’d written my mom’s name on the back of a framed picture, intending that my mom would get the picture. Then when she died, one of her sons took the picture, ignoring the name on the back, because he wanted the frame. The picture disappeared, which was what my mom really wanted all along, and the frame now hangs in my uncle’s house, my mom’s name still penciled on the back. The funny thing is, it’s the same bastard who now tires me out with all of his forwarded pro-Bush email. He wants something from me. There is no end, it seems, to some people’s selfishness.

I wonder if I would steal the frame from his house if given the chance. Would I tuck it into my suitcase and smile at him as I walked out the door? Would I thank him for his hospitality? Would I enter his house and pound him with my politics? Would I try to wear him down? Would I try to convince him of anything?

My problem right now is that everyone has become the honorary inventor of relationships. I’m tired and grumpy. If you’re in my line of sight, I will hate you like there is no tomorrow.

Man I need some sleep.

Do you mean “romantic relationships” or absolutely all forms of coexistence between any two or more people?

I trust you’re trying the “sitting in a chair” exercise now. I give you 20 minutes before you’re chuckling over memories of your son’s dog chatter, and 30 before you have to go ask him to produce more of it :)

Jarrett on 12/05/04 at 10:18 PM

I guess I was talking about “romantic,” although for me, using that word at this point requires a real stretch of the imagination. Beyond even what I’m capable of these days.

I was alone in the house, so I skipped the chair exercise and went straight to bed. I think it was 8:45. I feel slightly better this morning.

Keith on 12/06/04 at 06:47 AM

i hate it most when i come here to really write something explosive, to really ‘knock em dead’, ‘get it off my chest’, etc, and find that someone has already done it better than i couldv ever hoped to.

i’ve said it before, but i’ll say it again ‘old grudges never die’. and to that end and that (3rd?) ‘graf o questions- i say yes. yes to all. one fun little exercise i’ve developed this season is taking my colt to the gun range and singing christmas tunes at the top of my lungs while blowing off self defense rounds through the chest of the blue man. oddly appropriate, that poor blue man never had a chance. i knew too much about him, and anticipated his next move before he did.

goliard on 12/06/04 at 07:50 AM

Now that’s a vision! Christmas tunes and gun play all at the same time.

And let me make this perfectly clear - I was feeling grumpy and angry, not blue. I was in no way feeling blue. I am not a blue man. I am not the blue man.

Just kidding.

But I am curious. What’s the best gun shooting Christmas song? I’d guess snipers go with Silent Night, pulling the trigger each time they sing “night”, but that the bullet spraying Coltster crowd would go for something much more lively.

Funny, only last week I was asking women about grudges.

Keith on 12/06/04 at 08:00 AM

Dibs on all the words over two syllables! I love those! And really, who has enough? Not me, certainly.

How about “Dreidel dreidel dreidel” pulling off a round on each word. That’s holiday fun, guys.

Jo on 12/06/04 at 02:03 PM

Actually, Jo, I thought I’d divide the words up based on people’s life styles. First you have your basic noun people and verb people. And then there’s your slangers. And we shouldn’t forget the childish (poop, booger, that sort of thing), as well as the serious (although I’m afraid they’ll find their inheritance is no nest egg).

Keith on 12/06/04 at 04:34 PM