Dear Mr. Hood,
Thank you for taking time away from your busy, legendary schedule to personally reply to my previous letter of application. In response to your first question, yes, there are still people who refer to you as Prince of Thieves, although to be quite honest, as I feel I should, considering your own honest and candid reply to my letter, I should warn you that it is becoming less common all the time. I’m not much of a finger pointer, but if forced (say Little John had me pinned against an oak with his bow staff) I would probably lay much of the blame at Costner’s feet for a multitude of reasons, not the least being his inability to maintain a decent accent for the length of a single film. Have you seen Kevin Costner’s portrayal of you? Do you even know of him? Funny, but writing this, I realize there is much that I don’t know of you, and feel almost foolish for having written you in the first place.
I know you are a busy man, so I will make this short and to the point. If you can possibly find it in your heart to reconsider my application for poor status, it would be greatly appreciated. I assure you, my situation is dire, and I would not be writing you if it were otherwise. As I am sure you are aware of, it is not easy for a proud man to admit when he has lost the ability to perform one of life’s most basic feats - economic survival - and if I am anything, Mr. Hood, I am a proud man.
If the information you have on file is inadequate in any way, I would be more then happy to furnish you with any additional financial statements you might require. Simply have your secretary telephone my secretary, and she will see to it that the documents are faxed over to your offices at the earliest possible convenience.
Your humble servant and loyal believer,
Imaginary Keith