In my spare minutes over the weekend, I pick up the Plain English Handbook that I bought for two bucks at a garage sale on Saturday. Published in 1939, the book contains, at least in theory, the rules that supposedly guided my grandparents, and consequently, my own parents. Hundreds of rules on grammar, as well as sound advice on many topics, ranging from letter writing, public speaking, and reporting the news.
This time around it’s the ground rules for a 1939 style conversation.
550A Conversation
Conversational language is usually less formal than that which is written even in letters, but the conversationalist meets with dangers not encountered by the writer. Her are some suggestions for those who would be good conversationalists.
- Be a Good Listener. Perhaps there is no more effective way of gaining the reputation of a good conversationalist than by listening attentively. So, be alert, and never interrupt.
- Get the Other’s Viewpoint. Do your best to see things as the other person sees them. This is not easy, but it is important.
- Learn the Other Person’s Interests. Be interested in the other’s interests, not just your own.
- Respect the Opinions of Others. Though you may not agree with another in his opinions, respect them just the same.
- Never Argue. There is nothing to gain by argumentation in ordinary conversation, but there is much to lose.
- Make No Reference to the Other Person’s Weakness. Let him feel that you think him strong.
- Acknowledge Superiority in Others. Even “ignorant” people have traits of superiority. Let your attitude acknowledge this.
- Stimulate the Other’s Feeling of Importance. Honestly and sincerely encourage the other’s feeling of importance.
- Sound the Other Person’s Name. But be sure to use the name naturally, and not as if for effect, and be doubly sure to pronounce it correctly. No one ever quite forgives anyone who mispronounces or misspells his name.
- Do Not Be a Know-all. Perhaps the most unpopular of all conversationalists is the know-all, the chap who tops every tale, no matter how tall---the fellow who has been everywhere and seen everything at its best and worst.
- Do Not Be a Mourner. Do not dwell on mournful or depressing incidents. Seem cheerful and hopeful.
- Do Not Be a Disparager. Refrain from expressing the views of a disparager---a doubter---a pessimist.
- Never Be Catty. Those who make catty remarks cannot hope to have friends.
- Do Not Be Over-correct. Use good wholesome speech, but do not overdo it by becoming finicky about unimportant usages.
- Be Genuinely Courteous. Be tactful and courteous always. In a group, make all feel at ease. Include all in your conversation, and do not talk over the heads of any present. Encourage those who are reticent to talk. They are often the most interesting talkers.
- Be Able to Make Correct Introductions. Everyone should be able to introduce himself and to introduce others properly and tactfully. Any good book on etiquette will serve to refresh one’s memory on special points in introductions, but ordinarily one can easily remember that the boy is presented to the girl, the man to the woman, the younger person to the older. John Jones may introduce himself to another by saying, “I am John Jones.” he may introduce two others, a boy and a girl, say, by saying, “Mildred Gray, Bob Jones.” If Bob is seated, he rises at the introduction and says, “How do you do?” Mary may or may not offer to shake hands; she need not rise if seated. Usually boys, on being introduced, shake hands; but a boy does not offer his hand to a girl. The forms of introduction are more or less fixed, but not to the exclusion of pleasing originality.
-- J. Martyn Walsh, Plain English Handbook, A Complete Guide to Correctness, McCormick-Mathers Publishing, 1939