I’m not stupid. I know they’re out there. They wake up in the morning, just like me, fresh and thinking about that grain of sand that out of nowhere slipped through the crack. They’re out there getting things done because I can see them all, every single one of them. I can’t move through the room without knocking my shin up against one of their fresh ideas or cracking my head wide open, trying to stay out their way. It’s gotten to the point where I’m afraid to move, but know I better or one of them will come by and polish me up like something they pulled out of thin air.
Like this morning when my eyes popped open in the dark and I knew I had hold of something in my head, but what was I going to do? Can you tell me that? It’s too slippery. It’s all been done. There’s no fucking way. I’m wired all wrong or just don’t have what it takes. I’m shy about ambition and spend all day trying to wrap my mind around nothing. Sure I have ideas, but they’re like gnats, and cause me more irritation then anything. I spend most of the day waving my arms around over my head, trying to make it all go away.