I have found that I am nothing but silent every since yesterday morning, when clicking on my link to may I be Frank ?, I find myself face to face with a last picture of Emma, the site’s author, and the sad news that she has finally lost her battle with cancer.
I’m not sure exactly why this bothers me so much. I didn’t know Emma, but had stumbled upon her site when I first started this thing back in December. Like others, I think I followed along because inside of us all lives this hope that everyone, everywhere, can win their fights. This, of course, isn’t always true.
I found it ironic that the last post I entered was about words of reassurance, whispered into someone’s ear. I found myself hoping that the members of Emma’s family, as heartbreaking as it may have been, found those words in themselves, and were able to make Emma’s last minutes more peaceful. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe it was Emma who knew just what to say. I don’t know.
I thousand thoughts have gone through my mind. I find myself popping awake in the middle of the night, thinking about what to say. Sentences and paragraphs line up in my thoughts, but I never get up, and never write them down. None of it seems right.
I can’t help but see the words as incomplete, like the life of someone cut much too short.
But I’ll keep looking for the right words. Hoping that something makes sense.