Longtime reader, Kimbal S. of Revero, SD, writes to us and asks:
Was there an FFA team where Imaginary Keith went to high school, and if so, was he ever a member of the team and did he participate in FFA competitions? I would especially like to know if he could name all the cuts of beef.
Well, Kimball, as a longtime reader, you are already probably aware that Imaginary Keith went to many different high schools as his family continuously moved from state to state. And while there were FFA programs in some of the schools he attended, Imaginary Keith did not participate, and consequently, never owned one of the prized blue jackets. However, he did take one agriculture class during his senior year that did, oddly enough, include one week of study regarding the cuts of meat in cattle. As I recall, he was not particularly interested in this area of study, and to this day, has a difficult time picking out a tender cut of meat at the grocery store.
You might be interested to know that Imaginary Keith became his high school’s fastest typist that same year, and was invited to participate twice in statewide typing competitions. Unfortunately, he missed the bus on both occasions, once because he was late, and once because he simply forgot to get on the bus.
His typing instructor, the old spinster Miss Smith, who had dedicated her entire life to the instruction of young people in the ways of typewriters and tenkey adding machines, had always dreamed of recapturing the state typing title, and was crushed by Imaginary Keith’s absence from the competitions. Miss Smith would not regain the typing title, and Imaginary Keith would be forced to endure the disappointed frown of his instructor for the remainder of the year.
But Imaginary Keith persevered, and continues to type to this day. He believes Miss Smith would be proud of him. He knows the cut of every keyboard, spotting a tender key from clear across the room. He still misses a bus on occasion, but feels that since Miss Smith is most likely long since dead, no one is being hurt by his actions.
Sometimes, when he types particularly fast, he can feel her rail-thin presence over his right shoulder, dreaming of championships.