As I begin to get back into the swing of things around here, after my long, long, long two year brainfog (I think that’s just about as good a word as any), I have this growing feeling that I will become an expert at everything. I think it may have been revealed to me in a dream. But I can’t say for sure.
Maybe I should make a list later today of the many things I will become an expert at. Will I have time to produce a DIY manual for each and every new expertise? Highly unlikely. I may do well to hire a stenographer to follow me around and take notes.
My accountant gave me a list of chores to perform today. Damn her! But the poor woman is completely in the dark about this higher calling of mine. It’s not her fault. On the other hand, I don’t dare mention anything or there may be tax forms to complete. Extensive penalties for failing to file the proper paperwork. Ideas must be recorded with the Internal Idea Service no later then the 15th of each month following the month that the original idea was conceived. Was everyone aware of this new government branch? I guess I have not been paying attention. I am so far behind already that the penalties alone will be staggering. Will they believe me when I tell them that I’ve already forgotten most of the good ideas? Can I get an extension?
I’ve installed a gigantic bulletin board in my new writing room, ready to receive a steady stream of notes and ideas. I’ve imagined this bulletin board my whole life, and now, there it is. So far I’ve pinned a picture of my son, a black and white postcard of Doc Boggs that came with the CD I ordered, and a Spongebob basketball hoop that I got for Christmas. I crumple up junk mail and shoot across the room, but so far haven’t made a single shot.
Apparently I will not become an expert at basketball. It doesn’t bother me. There are plenty of instructional basketball manuals already written. I will focus on the untouched areas that others normally stay clear of.
My first book will be called How To Be A Self-Employed Thousandaire In Fifteen Short Years. I will offer step by step advice on how to acquire thousandaire status, and detail many of the pitfalls one might normally encounter along the way. The book will put that hopeful gleam back into the dull eyes of many a struggling entrepreneur. Husbands and wives, sharing many of the concepts in the book, will make love with renewed vigor.