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© 2004-2008 Keith Ecklund

July 01, 2004

If I ever make a career change, I will become a door-to-door salesman.  I will carry a backpack filled with little packets of ant killer.  I will give expert advice on how to rid your home of ants.

“Are they on the kitchen counter?”
“Yes”
“Those are sugar ants.  You’ll need this.”

“Are they in the bathroom?  Around the toilet, perhaps?”
“Yes”
“Those are piss ants.  You’ll need this.”

“But they look the same.  The ants, I mean.”
“Sure they look the same, but trust me, they’re not.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Denomination, mostly.”
“Oh.  I guess I’ll take two.”
“Good choice.  Same time next week?”
“Okay.”

The change of pace will be nice.



You could do some kind of ant protection racket. Bring bottled ants to people’s houses, show them how easily the top could just suddenly “come off,” and urge them to use your “service.”

Jo on 07/01/04 at 12:07 PM

Not sure about the denomination of sugar ants, but my professional opinion would be that the piss ants are most likely Episscopalian.

Jake on 07/01/04 at 07:25 PM

Jake: I didn’t even see it coming.

Keith on 07/01/04 at 07:29 PM

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