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© 2004-2008 Keith Ecklund

December 06, 2004

You should have seen me, rounding up thirty third graders like a pro.  I’ve decided that there’s really not that much to teaching elementary kids after all.  It’s just a matter of getting through that first day.

It’s all the same kids, so I feel like I know them already.  Makeup girl, it turns out, really isn’t so bad, and builds a nice clay, gingerbread house.  Even the shy, cross-eyed girl who sits next to my son, who didn’t say a single word to me on Friday, opened right up and almost cracked a smile in my direction.  And I became an almost instant hit with a small group of girls when they discovered my much-coveted talent for attaching clay chimneys!  And even Austin, the boy who reminds me of a 100 pound caterpillar, needs my help, although I’m convinced he would have done just fine if he hadn’t spent so much time singing Mr. Roboto.

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

Like most of us, it seemed to be the only line he knew.  I picked up his rolling pin and gently tapped him on the back of the head.

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigat, Mr. Robot
Himitsu wo shiri tai

Much better.  I was reaching my teaching stride.  Really getting into it.

I moved back to shy girl’s side.  I could see her tiny biceps, smaller then the rolling pin itself, shaking as she pushed with all her might into the unmoving clay.  “Need any help?” Blink, blink.  I took it as a yes, although I guess it could just have easily meant ‘don’t bonk me’.  Together we whipped a roof into place.  “Do you want a chimney?” Blink, blink.  “Which side?” She couldn’t blink her way out of this one, I thought.  I’d get her to talk yet.  A tiny finger, no bigger around then a new pink crayon, pointed to where we’d work.  “Good choice!” I no doubt remind her of a giant.

And then in no time at all it was all over.  The room was put back into shape, the new centerpiece a table filled with crooked and drooping clay gingerbread houses.  Success!  The bell rang and everyone raced out the door, no doubt searching for the nearest bag of sugar.

Tomorrow: The Grand Train Adventure!  The kids will be a cinch.  I’m just wondering if the conductor yells All Aboard!



I hate to break it to you, but:  You didn’t need certification because your son was in the room. 

Kids are immensely curious about other kids’ parents, because they represent the first glimmerings of the possibility that their own parents are Not The Only Way.  So of course the kids were great; they were studying you.

To see how you really did, you’ll have to ask your son for the reviews.

Jarrett on 12/06/04 at 09:00 PM

My son is still thrilled that he learned what the sequence of train whistles meant on our train trip this summer, and will decode train whistles for anyone willing to listen.  Should I have him get in touch with you?

Snowball on 12/06/04 at 09:30 PM

i let my daughter (the 3rd grader) for all intensive purposes, wear powder and starburst lip gloss.  i’m sure it has hastened my trip to hell, but it makes her feel a little better, about being a kid n’all.  my son was home sick yesterday and using me as his living breathing etchasketch, ouija board when i suddenly found out that his nickname in fact is NOT bignick (as i had thought) but rather NickSugar, as the kids at school call him that.  wow.  you really do learn something new every day.

PS- the blue man is the irs.  don’t worry.  i’m not as crazy as initial appearances would indicate.

c

goliard on 12/07/04 at 02:57 AM

Jarrett: I don’t know why, but I’d never thought about kids’ curiosity in that way.  It makes perfect sense.  “You mean, my dad could be like that?” No wonder they ran from the room.

Snowball: It’s a wonderful offer, but I’m afraid coming too late to do me any good.  The train pulls out in a matter of hours.  I’ll just have to climb on board like everyone else, thinking that “toot toot” just means “get out of the way.”

goliard: Powder and starburst lip gloss doesn’t quite sound like a ticket to hell.  The girl in my son’s class cranks it up a notch with eyeliner and eyeshadow and I think just about everything else (I’m not well versed in the female arts).

And I wonder if NickSugar is a good name or a bad one.  Any clues?

Keith on 12/07/04 at 07:24 AM

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