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© 2004-2008 Keith Ecklund

January 09, 2004

What’s so scary about this?  The trick to a two month old pile of work and mail is to search through your closet for a magician’s hat and cape.  The whole thing is nothing more then a magic trick.  If it’s the clothes that make the man, then this calls for the proper hat!

A Simple Magic Trick

With two hands, pick up your deck of mail carefully.
The order may very well be important for the trick to work successfully.
Split the pile into two stacks - personal on the right, business on the left.
Any jokers remaining in the deck should be discarded at this time.
Jokers include all credit card applications, advertisements, magazines, and coupons.
Old, unopened Christmas cards should be placed in a separate pile.
These will be opened next year, when it feels “Christmasy” again.
Make your checkbook appear with a flourish of exotic hand movements.
Note:  a cape will only get in the way if you keep your checkbook in your back pocket.
Write checks for all credit card statements.
Pay only the oldest utility and telephone bills.
Don’t worry:  they need you more then you need them.
Say, “Are they crazy?” as you look over a threatening non-compliance letter from the Census Bureau.
Place it on the bottom of the stack, being careful to remember it’s location, so that you are fined not more than $5,000 or imprisoned not more then five years, or both.
Pay any insurance bills if you or anyone in your family recently totaled a vehicle.
Now, you should have three piles: one personal, one unopened business, and one outgoing with checks written.
Return the first two piles to the inbox.
Mail the third pile, saying (and here’s the important part) “abracadabra”.  This must be said the exact moment the mail disappears from sight.  Don’t worry if you don’t have enough money in the bank.  That’s why you say the magic words.
Return to writing.

Remember, money management is just simple magic.  Keep in mind that the entertainment lies solely in the illusion.  Even the poorest fool can trick himself if he shows enough confidence.



I need a simpler magic trick, something more along the lines of pointing to piles of papers strewn across the room and *poof* bills are paid and mailed, papers organized and there’s still money left in my bank account.

Then I want to apply the same trick to my taxes.  *Poof* and sixty odd pages are printed and a nice fat refund is sitting in my bank account.

Where’s the magic wand when you really need it?

Kelly on 01/09/04 at 07:02 PM

This trick might work for taxes as well, although I would strongly encourage you to have a trained and licensed accountant say the magic words.  Also, please keep in mind that I almost entitled this entry: Recipe For Disaster.

Keith on 01/10/04 at 01:38 AM

I use the exact same system, but with less-than-great success. Now I know why - no magic words! Thanks for the pointers!

pam on 01/10/04 at 07:26 AM

Pam, no problem, that’s what I’m here for.  But does giving a “pointer” violate my own no-advice rule?  Hmmm.  While I wait for the judges decision, I will click over to beancounter daydreams, hoping to be the 10,000 caller.

Keith on 01/10/04 at 07:47 AM

This is so cool!

Rose on 01/10/04 at 07:48 AM

Do these same magic words work on housework?  I could really use a good magic routine for domesticity.

Snowball on 01/10/04 at 07:13 PM

Sadly, magic’s usefulness stops just short of housework.  I’ve tried every curse and incantation I could imagine.  Even special phrases, normally reserved for things like hitting your toe on the bed frame, missing an easy putt on the golf course, or locking your keys in the car, have absolutely no effect.

Keith on 01/11/04 at 10:42 AM