October 09, 2005
I haven’t written anything worthwhile now in weeks, and what little creative energy might sputter to life is spent commenting on other sites. Wasted energy? Poor focus? I wonder sometimes when I flood some site with comments if I am overstepping any sort of unspoken boundary. The question of state of mind comes up for me. What intent, real or imagined, does the site’s author place on what I say? How can they even possibly come close to understanding what I am saying without any background or further information? I worry sometimes that leaving comments is the equivalent of firing off a shot into the sky of a crowded city. What happens when the bullet comes down? There is no room to explain your intent. Will someone be hit when the bullet comes down? Will there be damage that you don’t even see? What is it that I’m actually worrying about, anyway? The implied intimacy of leaving comments, or is this taking it too far? I don’t think so, based on the feeling I get from other sites; people’s desire to receive feedback on what they are saying and feeling.
The boy is still fast asleep, but I happen to know he set an alarm last night, and will wake in twenty minutes.
“Write fast in the morning,” he said last night. “Then come in at 8:30 and lay in bed with me and we’ll talk quietly.” He’s a good kid and enjoys conversation. Or it may be possible that he just needs my ears in the room. The boy can chatter.
I’ve found that leaving a comment on a blog tends to foster response - for good or bad.
Some folks like the pain of a random bullet, and other recipients don’t - either way, if you remember where you shot the gun off, you can sometimes go back and see what the damage is (if any!).
I’ve made a few “virtual” friends just by shooting random bullets into the air. :)
To me, commenting feels freer than posting, less bound up with consequence. As a result, some of the better things I’ve written have been comments on other blogs.
Soon, I will learn to write solely for my cats. Then, I will be brilliant.
I count on your commenting. I do! It makes it a conversation. I don’t answer back as much as I should, since people did take the time to say something to me, but also I am notorious for never, ever answering the phone. I always appreciate the fact that people still call.
Writing for cats! I imagine the result would be unappreciated brilliance.
ok, i’ve given it enough thought. and with a few extra moments on hand, i’m going to give you my honest answer (for the 12 cents it’s worth, this week...).
when i first started blogging, it wasn’t so much about the comments, and then...as time wore on i felt a need to know who was listening. i wanted to get a feel for my audience, and that i did. perhaps too much of a feel, in some notable cases.
and next thing you know, i had relationships, concommitant with responsibilities and upkeep. people who became intimate with me, on a false basis of ‘knowing me’ began to irritate me. ‘You know nothing more than what I tell you!’, i bellowed to no one in general.
i’ve always been a private person at heart. what’s mine is mine (and what’s yours is mine, ask oldman...) and it took my some time to see that even in the words i was giving away more than i was comfortable with.
short story long, it’s a lose lose situation. you want the comments, you want the praise, you want the interaction. but sometimes...sometimes you want the silence too.
i still haven’t figured it out yet keith.