I hear the sound of papers behind me, sliding and moving around.  It’s a threatening sound, and I’m not sure whether I should turn and look or continue on, here at the fun desk.  How can a pile of papers rubbing against each other sound so ominous?  It makes no sense.  But that is exactly what the pile of toppled mail has become - an ominous, rumbling pile of work that now threatens to break completely loose from my work desk and wash me out the door and over some embankment like a California mudslide.  It may sound ludicrous, but I can’t help but think that it also sounds crazy enough to work.  We have mudslides here in Oregon too, you know.  They’re just not very well publicized.

Time may in fact push all men into their graves.  I guess I can accept that.  But to think about being buried under a big pile of mail.  Now that’s just stupid.

What’s so scary about this?  The trick to a two month old pile of work and mail is to search through your closet for a magician’s hat and cape.  The whole thing is nothing more then a magic trick.  If it’s the clothes that make the man, then this calls for the proper hat!

A Simple Magic Trick

With two hands, pick up your deck of mail carefully.
The order may very well be important for the trick to work successfully.
Split the pile into two stacks - personal on the right, business on the left.
Any jokers remaining in the deck should be discarded at this time.
Jokers include all credit card applications, advertisements, magazines, and coupons.
Old, unopened Christmas cards should be placed in a separate pile.
These will be opened next year, when it feels “Christmasy” again.
Make your checkbook appear with a flourish of exotic hand movements.
Note:  a cape will only get in the way if you keep your checkbook in your back pocket.
Write checks for all credit card statements.
Pay only the oldest utility and telephone bills.
Don’t worry:  they need you more then you need them.
Say, “Are they crazy?” as you look over a threatening non-compliance letter from the Census Bureau.
Place it on the bottom of the stack, being careful to remember it’s location, so that you are fined not more than $5,000 or imprisoned not more then five years, or both.
Pay any insurance bills if you or anyone in your family recently totaled a vehicle.
Now, you should have three piles: one personal, one unopened business, and one outgoing with checks written.
Return the first two piles to the inbox.
Mail the third pile, saying (and here’s the important part) “abracadabra”.  This must be said the exact moment the mail disappears from sight.  Don’t worry if you don’t have enough money in the bank.  That’s why you say the magic words.
Return to writing.

Remember, money management is just simple magic.  Keep in mind that the entertainment lies solely in the illusion.  Even the poorest fool can trick himself if he shows enough confidence.

No, not this morning.  No Thor yet.  Although it would be like just like Thor to come pounding in out of the early dawn fog, taking everyone by surprise even though we know he’s coming.  He’s just not the knock on doors, ask permission type.

Of course, back in college, Thor wasn’t quite so scary.  Being plucked out of the heavens and sent off to college in Arkansas took a lot of wind out of the guy.  But don’t get me wrong, Thor’s temper was always stoked and ready to burn at the drop of a hat.  College boy or Norse god, Thor was always ready for action.

But enough of that.  Today is a work day.  I half expect Imaginary Keith to give me one of those, “Awwww, do I have too” looks, but he knows better.  I’m a stern boy running a tight ship, and today I will not tolerate any of that blubbery lip stuff.

Can I say whirlwind without also saying romance?  Of course I can, but does it make sense?  Can I have a whirlwind workweek?  Let’s try.

Crabass Tom has returned and is settling in nicely in his trailer behind the barn.  The cows are watching, but seem relatively unconcerned.  A whirlwind arrangement.

Fernando has returned to work.  Smiling, hard working, always on time, always dependable, 30 hours overtime and still happy, plays soccer with my son Fernando.  That Fernando.  Lifesaving Fernando.  Whirlwind Fernando.

More contracts signed.  A flurry of signatures and currency exchange.  Whirlwind business.

And finally, more past drawn into the present.  More real told of the imaginary.  More friends given directions to these words.  Whirlwind disclosure.

Yes, believe it or not, as your own lips silently mouth these words, you may be logged onto Word Shadows at the very same moment as the Norse Gods themselves - Thor, Balder the Beautiful, and even that famous trickster, Loki.  ( Firewalls up! )

How have I even gone this far without the reassuring shadows of my friends peeking over my shoulder?