Archives

I should have went back to work a long time ago.  I’d forgotten how much is going on out there.  For instance, stopping in to rent a movie after work, I found myself face to face with a pair of door to door Crayola salesmen.  Each carried what had to be the biggest box of crayons on the face of the Earth.  Unfortunately, they were both chased out of the store before I had a chance to intervene.

Now that is one job not on my resume.

And then there are the many things our customers say, during the course of a day, that completely give away what soft, vulnerable creatures we Americans really are.  Today’s jem (said with much drama and exasperation):

I can’t believe I live in a state so behind the times!  Whoever heard of above ground utilities?  This is really, really just crazy!

Just because they pay me, they think I’ll listen to anything.  Which is probably right.

An oven, forgotten about for more then four hours, will apparently just keep on cooking, even when empty.

Forgetfulness, like everything else, is simply a matter of perspective.

In 1666, London burned to the ground because of a neglected oven.
The London fire of 1666 saved thousands of lives by killing most of the plague-carrying rats.
My house seems warmer tonight.
If I were forty years older, my children would lock me in a nursing home for my own protection.
I have better things to do then worry about an oven.
After four hours, I might very well be hungry again.  Preheating is avoided, saving valuable time.

Some men can resist buying a frozen pizza for six weeks.  They won’t even realize they were avoiding frozen pizzas until their son asks to buy one while they are shopping together.  The man will, of course, purchase the pizza.  He might even buy three of them - just in case.  The man will then eat the pizza when his son his out of the house for a night.  The time from purchase to oven is approximately 28 hours.  Buying extra pizzas is always a good idea.

Sunday morning sometimes means bowling.  At $1.50 per game (9:00 to 12:00 only) it’s the morning’s best deal.  The place is nearly empty, we eat nachos for breakfast without blinking an eye, and the biggest disagreement is whether or not to put the bumpers down or up.  This morning we go with “down”, but I somehow still end up scoring only 132.  I’m not sure which is more distracting/entertaining - the mother and daughter team bowling two lanes down, or my son, insisting on giving a 3-2-1 countdown each time I take a shot.  No excuse.  I often bowl well into the high 140’s.

Curiously, I see the name Richard Petty posted on the High Scorers board.  Richard Petty?  The racecar driver?  Seems Richard has bowled two perfect games here, but despite his fame, still doesn’t top the list of perfect bowlers.  I look around as we leave, but don’t see him.  He probably bowls Friday nights, with the regulars.